If I had the courage

If I had the courage, I'd tell you how I feel. 

I'd tell you that I want you and that my love is real.

If I had the courage, I'd stop pretending not to care.

I'd tell you that I want you and I'd promise to be fair.

If I had the courage, I'd not let you walk away

I'd tell you that I want you and beg of you to stay.

If I had the courage, I'd let you love me too.

I'd tell you that I want you and I'd not be untrue.

If I had the courage, I'd tell you how I feel.

If I had the courage, yes, isn't that ideal?

Head vs Heart

My head plays games with my heart

or is it the other way around?

I thought I lost my way,

but as it turns out, I only thought it was found.

Now I sit and question it all.

How do I know which is right?

For both thought they were ahead of the other,

And now both are left hurting, in the still of the night.

Fear of love

I have my wall and you have yours, 

put up to keep the past out 

and to help heal our sores.

We go on, never really loving again.

Never wanting to sacrifice ourselves to all of that past pain.

No way, No how, would we ever submit ourselves to that,

to open a door and possibly becoming a mat. 

I'm not  going to let you in, we say

so don't even try to knock

And when we're done with the play,

we'll just be another someone that we forgot.

Well if you want me to be honest, 

for me thats only partially true.

There was a hole in my wall,

and there stood, you.

I tried to reach out and pull you in

I didn't want to be alone and I was tired of pretend.

I became vulnerable and I opened my door,

but still, you stood on the other side

and decided you didn't want me anymore.

I cried and cried and then that was that, 

I shut the door and took away the mat.

You knocked again, and I wasn't quite sure why, 

but then it hit me,

you too are just like I.

The dialog

Once we touch and feel the flames of our desire you will see I say the truth and I am not a liar.

Well show me these truths that you speak of, so I will know that they are not lies. And don't think that you can fool me, because I can always pick out a man in disguise.

Put your hand in mine and let's share a kiss, the truth I speak you will not miss. Our hearts will beat as one and you will discover, I am more than just words, I am meant to be your lover.

My lover you say? For be cautious of what you desire.
I can most certainly make you fall, but are you sure you want to play with fire?

Between you and I, lovers, it is written. I have told you how I feel and expressed I am smitten. You speak of fire and that I will be falling, but if you listen close, your heart too is calling.

This fire you see, is not started by secrets that cannot be kept, so be warned that if you get too close, you too will have wept. My heart speaks to no one and it can not hear, but try as you'd like, my dear Shakespeare.

If your heart cannot hear and has no voice, what must I do what is my choice? It is apparent you are scared and have much fear, so again I ask, do you want me or not, my dear?

Oh no no, you've got it all wrong, I do not scare at all.  I cannot tell you of options, but I will come if u choose to call.

I will call because I want you so, but there is one thing that I must know. Was your heart broken, torn in two? Is that why you won't give in to what I offer you?

My heart cannot be torn, for it is like stone. Why you may ask? Well it is unknown. A few have gotten pretty close in the past, but I cannot be tamed and my love, it does not last.

A heart that's made of stone will only encounter strife. A heart must have a mate to beat as one in life. I find it sad that you refuse to give love a spin. Life is the greatest game and you never know what you could win. 

I do not refuse love, it has found me many times before. I play the game very well, but it easily becomes a bore. You should not find it sad that I do not want pretend. Unlike many others, a mate at home, but in another's company, their time they do spend.

I do not think love is a bore, maybe he did the right thing and a baby came along so he gave a ring.

So you had a baby and fell in love and don't think its ever a bore? Well why I must ask, are you here knocking at my door? Have a mate and be as one? The difference between you and I, I'm a little more honest about my fun.

I never said I was in love, I said I did the right thing. I speak of love cuz that's what ladies like to hear, but I'd rather have a fling. So if fun is what you are searching for, then I guess it is fate cuz I want you to be my super secret mate.

Fair enough. We've made our points, so i guess this poem is done. Who knows, maybe we will be super secret mates for some super secret fun.

A poem for my heart

Heart, 

I know we've been through some pretty tough things before

leaving us broken and wounded, 

scratched and tore.

I know we grew strong and numb to the pain

and we built these walls to keep safe from the rain.

I know we don't trust, because we can no longer be trusted, 

and how it was hard at first, but then we eventually adjusted.

I know we don't love for long

If even at all, 

but Heart, I want to love

and I want to fall. 

I don't want to be broken, 

and my wounds can heal, 

I don't want to be numb, 

I want to feel.

What do I need to do to make it alright,

so i can love in the day too and not just the night?

Heart, 

I know we've been through some things in the past, 

but I want a real love this time, 

and I  really want it to last.

Deception

"In the beginning, all of those feelings and emotions were just for show. I've become an expert at navigating a situation in the direction that I want it to go. I tried to con you into loving me. What I didn't expect, was that I'd end up falling for myself."

Something I can relate to

I stumbled across this quote today. It's definitely something I can relate to....


Sometimes its easier for me to pretend rather than face my feelings. Sometimes its easier to try to make it alone rather than risk getting hurt again. Sometimes its easier to be numb towards certain people so I dont let them get too close. Sometimes I’m scared. But when I act numb towards you, it doesn’t mean I dont care... It means I care too much.

Give a little

Give me your love

Show me you care

Notice me sometimes 

Compliment the things that I wear.

Hold me for no reason

Kiss me out of the blue

Look me in the eyes

Tell me how much I mean to you.

Say things to make me smile

Whisper sweet nothings in my ear

Make me feel appreciated 

Make me feel that you're sincere. 

Take walks with me

Sit with me under the moon

Goof off with me

Sing with me out of tune.

Show me some affection

Be romantic sometimes too

Let me know that you want me

Don't just assume that I already knew.

I'm just a woman

And at times I'm emotionally needy

I'm not trying to criticize you

I'm not trying to be greedy

I'm simply, just a woman

And I want to fall for you

I want to give you my all

But I need to know that you'll give it to me too

So this is why I'm telling you what I need,

Instead of assuming that you already knew.